Mr. Mantis Goes to Church
By Larry R Linville

The praying mantis went to church
to try to improve his praying.
He crawled up to the front row
to hear the words they were saying.

He knew he had the posture down pat
with his forelegs properly bent.
Still he got no answers
to all the prayers he had sent.

He could genuflect with the very best
and he wore liturgical green
moving in the slowest rhythm
anyone has ever seen.

When the preacher read from the Bible
the words seemed so kind
“Ask and it will be given to you,
seek and you will find.”

He went back to his family
to share all he had found.
Now when you’re outside the mantis church
you hear their new praying sound.

They still kneel and fold their arms
but now they sing new hymns
and rock back and forth to the rhythm
properly using their limbs.

Next time you see a mantis
you should watch him for a while.
You may see different action
and wearing a new pious smile.

Music and Religion
By Larry R Linville

I like to listen to music
and I also like to sing.
I play piano with one finger
And tune a guitar string.

I don’t know what’s an augmented
or how to transpose a key.
I just know what I like
and what sounds good to me.

If I have a musical question
I ask someone with a degree
and I trust their education
will help them explain to me.

Many who call themselves Christian
realize what they don’t know.
They know what makes them feel good
and they try to go with the flow.

When they have a religious question
they seek one trained in God’s Word
to think they know just as much
would be so very absurd.

Children’s Questions
By Larry R Linville

A young child asks, “What is that”?
over and over again.
The parent keeps giving answers
while trying to show a warm grin.

Soon the “What” takes a new turn
and become a constant “Why?”
so the parent has to patiently
make a clever reply.

As time passes they stretch the “why”
to a demanding “Why can’t I?”
and the old “because I said so”
seems to no longer fly.

Sometimes the “Why can’t I”
brings with it much family strife.
But that’s what it takes
to prepare the young person for life.

Short Poems
By Larry R Linville

I try to keep my poems short
four stanzas maybe five.
I have to closely choose the words
for the text to be alive.

A short poem’s more likely read
than those which are so long.
A long poem which tells much truth
might just as well be wrong.

Folks who like to read long poems
find short ones more precise
and if they feel it much too short
might as well read it twice.

So here I come to stanza four
I guess it’s time to quit
and if you are disappointed
go off and throw a fit.

Phydoux and the Bark Collar
By Larry R Linville

Things are getting crazy around here. Just because I can communicate by typing on a computer, that doesn’t mean they should make me stop barking. Barking is natural for dogs. English is my second language. Barking is my first language. Do you suppose they are angry with me for learning to type English on the computer?

Anyway, the other day Federal Express arrived and my owner opened the box and there were three collars, one for each of the dogs who run this house. They were pretty and each had a colorful trinket on it. It’s about time we were able to modernize our fashions around here. Our Mommy tenderly put the collars on each of us. She smiled – or maybe she sneered. She spoke tenderly to us and then she went to the sofa to sit down.

I thought it would be polite to bark a pleasant “thank you”, but when I did that silly trinket sent out a strange vibration. All I was able to say was, “Ba….” I was startled. I tried again and it got me again. Mommy said, “Good Boy!” She even gave me a treat. The other dogs tried to bark and they were met with the same trembling feeling in their neck.

I looked at the box and it said it was a “bark collar”. It is used to train your dog not to bark. Now that’s a low blow. I know we bark a lot but we are dogs. It is unnatural for a dog not to bark. Perhaps they should put collars on the birds so they won’t “chirp” and on those cats so they won’t “meow”. Have you ever seen a cow with a collar so they couldn’t “moo”?

All you dogs who think this is cruel and unusual punishment – raise your right paw! It’s unanimous! Get this stupid collar off me. I can’t stop barking cold turkey!
I hope someone comes to the door that wants to sell you something you don’t need, because I’m not going to bark to scare them off. I don’t know what the mailman is going to do without my barking. Please excuse me now. I’m going to crawl up in the corner and pout.

Big Black Fly
By Larry R Linville

A big black fly’s been bothering me.
He has been at it this whole day.
I just went out to mow the lawn
but he thought it was time to play.

When I backed the riding mower out
he started making his assault.
I don’t know why he picked on me
I am sure I was not at fault.


There could have been just one lone fly
it seemed like there were many more
but when you’re mowing and swatting
there is no time for keeping score.

He landed on my nose and ears
and returned to my nose again.
When he landed right upon my lips
I was wondering where he’d been.

Now I’ve finished mowing the yard
and I’ve put the mower away
I have been inside for quite a while
wondering where he’s gone to play.